“But when David saw that his servants were whispering to one another, David perceived that the child was dead … So David arose from the ground, washed and anointed himself, and changed his clothes; and he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and when he requested, they set food before him and he ate. Then his servants said to him … ‘You fasted and wept for the child while he was alive, but when the child died, you arose and ate food.’” 2 Samuel 12:19-21.
This verse hit it on the head for me. There was a time for praying and mourning. But when we discovered that Sebastian had a disease, that he was sick and this was our lot in life for as long as God decided, it was time to “wash and get up.” To stop wishing for something that wasn’t, and accept that that’s how it was going to be. I had my own plans, but God’s will for us is to thrive and to grow even in the midst of our trials. This wasn’t a time for playing the victim and drowning in the situation.
Our life changed drastically. I had hoped to go back to work, or to get a degree, and I was really looking forward to that. When our son became sick this wasn’t possible, and “my” life was kind of put on hold. It became so obvious to me that God is in control. God allowed this, just own it, take the bull by the horns and keep going forward. It was time to deal with this difficult situation. God’s plan isn’t for me to mourn forever, just crying about my situation.
(The article continues after the video)
Actually, when I reconciled my situation to God I found a lot of freedom in it.
We didn’t have any answers from the professionals, so God gave it to me to fight for Sebastian, to become his doctor, and so I did. I spent hours and hours researching and testing through trial and error, and that’s actually what has led us on the path to finding the things that are starting to heal him. I will also point out that not only was it turning into the answers we needed, but it was also such a life-saver for my mental health. God knew me, and didn’t leave me hanging. I found out that I loved researching!
We found an out-of-state doctor who specializes in Sebastien’s illness and does trial treatments. Sebastien was the youngest patient to date to get into the tests. Anything positive we have seen has come because of this treatment. That they accepted him at all was in itself a miracle. Although successful, it’s been such a delicate and difficult treatment plan that they are no longer taking infants, and have a long wait list. So we can see that God had His hand in it!
God’s plan of infinite wisdom
I would never have received that insight to start studying for him if I was busy complaining and wishing for something else. I gave the situation to God. But not in a lay down, “woe is me” way. I gave it to God and stood up, ready for action.
Asking “Why?” is a bottomless pit. It keeps you stagnant and doesn’t allow for growth and it doesn’t allow for God. But I didn’t get to experience God’s infinite wisdom until I let go of my own opinions. Then His way became clear and I started to see things I couldn’t have done or seen in my own strength.
Currently we are continuing to learn our new normal. Sebastian still has his good days and bad days and over time more good than bad. He is our sickest child, and our wildest, and typically the life of the party. He still receives treatment a couple times a month, and will do so for a number of years to come. I am thankful for God’s wisdom and that He has plan for us, and that our lives are entirely in His hands. We never have to feel burdened or heavy, but we can rejoice in Him and in His love for us.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.